haven't been around in a while

[tmoon]

I haven't been around lately.... Things have been really crazy. some of you may or may not remember me...

The marriage is still very rocky. We've had other things to worry about thou. My newborn was born 1 month early in May and spent 2 weeks in NICU at birth. The week before i was supposed to go back to work after my 6 week maturnity leave my 2 year old had to have surgery (tonsils, adnoids, tubes replaced and sinus surgery). The following week the newborn got his brothers cold and it turned into a severe case of summer pneumonia. He stopped breathing on us at home and was rushed to the ER at the local children's hospital. He spent 3 weeks in PICU. He got to come home a week ago and he is doing good.

We have lots of testing and other things to deal with in the coming months and years, concerning his development and possible brain damage from the lack of oxygen. He wasn't totally without oxygen but he was without enough oxygen for long enough that his kidneys and liver had shut down by the time we made it to the hospital. They are working again now, but we are concerned about the possible brain damage. We have faith that God is going to give us the child he intended for us to have and we will love him no matter what.

I just needed to share a little with you...... and if you have a minute for prayer it would be greatly appreciated....

THANKS

[beloved]

Oh no, tmoon. I am SOOO sorry to hear all that!!! Thank God the baby is still alive. What a tough little one he is to live twice in ICU in his short little life. We will of course be praying for all of you. It sounds like you've had a rough time of it lately.

Father God,
I pray for tmoon and her family that you will strengthen them individually and as a unit. I pray that you will surround them with your comfort, faith, and love, and bring them out of these trying times with healthy children, bodies, and relationships. Especially, Lord I pray for baby tmoon that you would heal his brain if there has been any damage (along with his body). I thank you Father that you have kept him alive. I pray that you will bless, prosper, and keep this family on all levels and rebuke the devourer for their sake in Jesus name, Amen.

[beloved]

Just thinking of you and hoping all is well with you and your little ones!!

[tmoon]

thanks for your thoughts and prayers. The little ones are doing GREAT NOW! I'm very happy about how the now 4 month old has progressed. He's gaining weight and doing very good since our very scary experience with him.

The marriage thou is not doing so well. And it hasn't since i started posting on this board. Satan has been working to destroy my marriage, sometimes it feels like from the start. We've had many struggles and been through so much. I don't know where to go from here.
I feel like i've tried everything, done everything to make the best of a horrible situation and do what's best for my marriage but it all seems in vein. My husband has now had an affair and on top of everything else, i'm at my witts end!

I don't know what else to do!!!!!

[beloved]

Sorry I didn't see this Tmoon. My uncle passed away so I was gone much of the week and worked this weekend to make up for it.

I'm happy kiddos are doing better!

I'm sorry your marriage is worse. So, sorry.

I will be praying for you.

God bless,
beloved

[tmoon]

I'm very sorry to hear of your Uncle's passing. I will say a prayer for your family.

I wish I had good news to post. Things from day to day seem to bring us further apart and he seems totally unwilling to cooperate on any level. He refuses counceling (he says it doesn't help) WHATEVER!!
He isn't willing to take responsibility for his part in the destruction of our marriage. He only wants to find a way to turn things around still and find some way to insult me or bring me down. In many arguements when it is obvious to us all that he is "wrong" instead of admitting his mistake and moving on, he turns to personal insults toward me. Calling me names about my appearence (which is no different than the day we met) or tells me what a sorry person and mother i am.
I don't understand where his hard heart comes from. He acts so differently around other people, but behind closed doors he's filled with anger and takes every ounce of it on me! Always mental of emtional, but never physically. He, like most men who are abusive, think if he's not leaving a Visible Scar or "Mark" then he's not abusive.
I've prayed and begged for God to make things right, however He sees fit. I'm feeling very discouraged thou. Not at God, but just discouraged overall. How long are things going to be like this? I feel horrible for even thinking of getting a divorce. I know God had a plan for us or He wouldn't have brought us together. But I can't make His plan work by myself...
Your prayers for guidence and anything else is greatly appreciated!!

GOD BLESS YOU!

[beloved]

tmoon said:

I'm very sorry to hear of your Uncle's passing. I will say a prayer for your family.

Thank you.

I wish I had good news to post. Things from day to day seem to bring us further apart and he seems totally unwilling to cooperate on any level. He refuses counseling (he says it doesn't help) WHATEVER!!
He isn't willing to take responsibility for his part in the destruction of our marriage. He only wants to find a way to turn things around still and find some way to insult me or bring me down. In many arguments when it is obvious to us all that he is "wrong" instead of admitting his mistake and moving on, he turns to personal insults toward me. Calling me names about my appearance (which is no different than the day we met) or tells me what a sorry person and mother i am.
I don't understand where his hard heart comes from. He acts so differently around other people, but behind closed doors he's filled with anger and takes every ounce of it on me! Always mental of emotional, but never physically. He, like most men who are abusive, think if he's not leaving a Visible Scar or "Mark" then he's not abusive.

(((((((((Tmoon)))))))))))))))))),

From what you've described here your husband sounds very abusive. It reminded me of something I read lately, so I will post that in another thread and give you the link to it here. I hope you will find it helpful. It's not you that is the problem. I do hope you know that. It doesn't matter what your appearance is, if he loved you he would love all of you. When we marry we all know that eventually are spouses are going to age, gain weight, lose weight, etc. That's a part of life. That's why it is important and wise to pick a spouse for who they are inside; the outer package will change (and not for the better) and we are all left with what is inside. What a very shallow man he is. I find it hard to believe he knows how to love from what you have described; or maybe he refuses to. But, please know that your worth is based on who you are and not your outward appearance. It is awful of him to make you feel like your only worth is based on appearance. It's just not so. He has NO excuse for what he has put you through. NONE! I know you must be in agony over all of this. We trust that our spouses love us so much that as we age they will still love us just as much and our aging will be fine with them; just as we are with them as they age.

I've prayed and begged for God to make things right, however He sees fit. I'm feeling very discouraged thou. Not at God, but just discouraged overall. How long are things going to be like this? I feel horrible for even thinking of getting a divorce. I know God had a plan for us or He wouldn't have brought us together. But I can't make His plan work by myself...
Your prayers for guidance and anything else is greatly appreciated!!

GOD BLESS YOU!

Sweetheart, God cannot MAKE things right between you and your husband. If He could He would have already. God does not want you going through all of this. He told us not to sin (as your husband is) because it hurts so much the spouse. I'm am sure that God has tried to reach your husband. From what you've explained it is clear your husband does not want to be reached.

You have two choices:

- stay a while longer and keep praying and try to find ways to motivate change in your husband.
- leave and find a better life.

Whether God brought you two together and had a plan for you both, I can't say. What I can tell you is God does not like what your husband is doing to you. He does not want you being abused, cheated on (visually or physically). He loves you and He will always treat you that way. The way your husband is treating you does not express or give any sign of love. That does not mean you are unlovable or that there is something wrong with you. What it does say is your husband has some very serious emotional problems and dysfunctions; and apparently he doesn't want them to get better.

Please read the post I am making today. It is my hope that you will see from it what kind of man you may be dealing with, and maybe you can then understand and heal; and make a decision on what you want to do. It is up to you. You have the power of choice in this, not him. Biblically, you are free to go. You are also free to stay and try longer if you wish.

freefrombondage.proboards23.com/index.cgi?action=display&board=spouse&thread=1191970615

God bless you,
beloved

[tmoon]

I think I'm finally starting to see what you are saying. Thank YOU SO MUCH for your words and the additional post. I know I have to do something different because I can't continue on like this much longer. I can honestly say I never saw it coming.
But he did, just like you said, he CHANGED. He is not the man I fell in love with! He was so nice, warm, caring.....everything I could have asked for, until we were married. Shortly after, everything changed and got worse and worse as time has passed.
I only ask that you please pray for God to give me the strength I need to do what I have to....

THANK YOU
GOD BLESS YOU!!

[beloved]

Of course I will pray for you.

[setfree]

TMoon, I have been reading your story. I haven't responded because I thought I would let my wife do that. I have been praying for you though.

Setfree

[tmoon]

i haven't posted in several days because of the situation going on at this time. I just ask for your prayers and continued support as my family gets past this.....

My husband had an affair with my sister in law (brother's wife of 15 years) a year ago and her 4 month old son (1 month younger than mine) is also my husbands child! We confronted their close friendship when the affair was going on, but of course they denied it. She and my husband knew before the baby was born that it was his child and they decided to try to pass him off as my brothers and never say a word about it.
Because of our previous concerns, and the older the boys got, it was amazing how MUCH they looked alike. So we had both boys tested (DNA) and they have the same father!
We confronted them and at that time they both confessed.
I can hardly believe this is happening to me again. My first marriage ended because my husband had and affair with my best friend (the next door neighbors wife).

I am even more angry at them because they are trying to use God as justification for what they have done. They said, "God intended for them to have a baby together, it was in the books"..... I was quick to respond that when God joins a husband and wife at the alter His words says, "LET NO MAN PUT ASUNDER", and it was satan who tempted them and they both sinned against their marriage, family, and God.
I pray God forgives them for using Him as an excuse for their actions.

Please pray for me in the coming days or weeks... I know it's going to be a long road!

GOD BLESS YOU ALL

[beloved]

((((((Tmoon))))))))),

Wow! I don't even know what to say after that. How horrible for you and your family. I am so sorry that you have been mistreated in this way and betrayed by people that you should be able to trust. I am horrified for you. What an awful mess they have made from selfish lust.

I hope you aren't taking this as something wrong with you; being that two men have so horribly betrayed your love and trust in this way. I know how badly betrayal hurts and destroys everything.

Although God had nothing to do with your husband and SIL's infidelity or child making, He can help you make the best of this situation; the best such horrible circumstances can be, if you allow Him. He can bring a healing and peace to your soul. He will not control the behavior of others, and you can't either, but God can and will help you with how you can cope and heal through this. Remember, He promises to heal the broken hearted. God did not want or send this to your life, the enemy did through your spouse and SIL; because they didn't guard against his lies. Unfortunately we can't guard others minds for them. We can offer truth, but they have to be willing to hear it.

Well, Tmoon, you have had a really tough couple years (at least) haven't you? I will pray for you that God shed His healing love and touch upon you. I will pray for His blessings to be poured abundantly upon you. I will pray that He will send good people to your life, to surround and support you. I will pray He gives you comfort, strength, and guidance in your life.

God Bless you and your babies,
beloved