Post by beloved on Oct 9, 2007 17:56:55 GMT -5
Sometimes when people are abused, they internally make it out to be a problem within themselves; and if they could just fix themselves everything would be alright. The truth, however, is usually very far from that.
I'm sure we've all heard about sociopaths and can give a fairly accurate description of what one is. Sociopaths and Psychopaths are always unbelievers though, right? Unfortunately not. Gregory A. Boyd talks about believing sociopaths in his book, "Repenting of Religion- Turning from Judgment to the love of God"
The Christian sociopath may continually ask himself,
I'm sure we've all heard about sociopaths and can give a fairly accurate description of what one is. Sociopaths and Psychopaths are always unbelievers though, right? Unfortunately not. Gregory A. Boyd talks about believing sociopaths in his book, "Repenting of Religion- Turning from Judgment to the love of God"
The Christian sociopath may continually ask himself,
"What is the ethical thing to do?" regarding his relationship to his wife? Wouldn't the question itself be evidence that this man was not living in loving union with his wife? In healthy marriages in which the husband and wife live in a on-flesh, loving union, each person operates out of love, not a list of ethical principles.
To be sure, the loving husband and wife do many good things for one another; but they don't do these things because they're good. They do these things because they express love. .........
True, it may be that the couple had to learn how to express their love toward one another. But to the degree that they are living out of love, they follow principles of loving behavior not as abstract ethical mandates but as loving guidelines.
Gregory A. Boyd goes on later to describe a sociopath Christian husband.
It is my belief based on things I've read in the Bible that sociopaths is a title put on people that the Bible says have seared their conscience. They do this by suppressing emotions, guilt, shame; and by sinning against their consciences.
Boyd continues:
This would be someone like a Christian man.
It is my belief, that when a sociopathic husband is seen through by the wife and/or his ethical behavior no longer serves to get him what he wants, he will become a chameleon; changing with each situation (and around different groups of people) to whatever suits him and his self- centered desires at that present time. They are very good at gaslighting and charming people.
I believe many make this change as soon as they get married and believe their "property" is in the bag so they can drop the facade. This often happens in marriages where the husband believes his wife is trapped with him in marriage because of religious beliefs. These kind of men can be described as Jekyll and Hyde personalities. "But he was such and such before we married. But once we married, he changed."
When you see the sociopath for what they are, then you can see yourself more clearly. You will no longer have to wonder what is wrong with you. It is them. They are cold hearted people who are unable to be touched with anyone else's feelings. Everything in life is a buffet for them to hoard and gorge on as they please. And if anyone gets in the way of that, they must go or be dealt with (manipulated).
These kind of people cannot be reasoned with; for they do not care what you need, want, feel, or desire. It is all about them.
To be sure, the loving husband and wife do many good things for one another; but they don't do these things because they're good. They do these things because they express love. .........
True, it may be that the couple had to learn how to express their love toward one another. But to the degree that they are living out of love, they follow principles of loving behavior not as abstract ethical mandates but as loving guidelines.
Gregory A. Boyd goes on later to describe a sociopath Christian husband.
He operates only with a self- centered motivation and is incapable of genuinely loving his unfortunate wife. He understands only behavior, no the inner emotions of other people.
It is my belief based on things I've read in the Bible that sociopaths is a title put on people that the Bible says have seared their conscience. They do this by suppressing emotions, guilt, shame; and by sinning against their consciences.
Boyd continues:
Yet let us suppose, for whatever reason, it is in the man's self-interest to appear to be an ideal husband. It is the way he thinks he can get his own needs met.
This would be someone like a Christian man.
Thus, to meet his own needs, the sociopathic husband reads books on being a good husband and intensely studies those he perceives to be ideal husband in order to learn how they behave in their marriages. He records, memorizes, and learns to mimic every aspect of a good husband's external behavior down to the slightest detail.............
Moreover; because it fits his strategy for getting life, the sociopathic husband is always assessing himself and other husbands. Part of his strategy for convincing himself he's okay is to compare himself favorably to other husbands..... Yet the self -centered motivation of the sociopathic husband isn't apparent, precisely because he has become an expert on how good husbands behave- and good husbands always appear to put their spouse's needs above their own.........
Despite this man's impeccable ethical exterior, we would all agree that this man is not someone any woman would ever want to marry. For the man does not know how to love. .............
While outside observers would undoubtedly be impressed with this man, the sociopath's wife would eventually see through the facade.
Moreover; because it fits his strategy for getting life, the sociopathic husband is always assessing himself and other husbands. Part of his strategy for convincing himself he's okay is to compare himself favorably to other husbands..... Yet the self -centered motivation of the sociopathic husband isn't apparent, precisely because he has become an expert on how good husbands behave- and good husbands always appear to put their spouse's needs above their own.........
Despite this man's impeccable ethical exterior, we would all agree that this man is not someone any woman would ever want to marry. For the man does not know how to love. .............
While outside observers would undoubtedly be impressed with this man, the sociopath's wife would eventually see through the facade.
It is my belief, that when a sociopathic husband is seen through by the wife and/or his ethical behavior no longer serves to get him what he wants, he will become a chameleon; changing with each situation (and around different groups of people) to whatever suits him and his self- centered desires at that present time. They are very good at gaslighting and charming people.
I believe many make this change as soon as they get married and believe their "property" is in the bag so they can drop the facade. This often happens in marriages where the husband believes his wife is trapped with him in marriage because of religious beliefs. These kind of men can be described as Jekyll and Hyde personalities. "But he was such and such before we married. But once we married, he changed."
When you see the sociopath for what they are, then you can see yourself more clearly. You will no longer have to wonder what is wrong with you. It is them. They are cold hearted people who are unable to be touched with anyone else's feelings. Everything in life is a buffet for them to hoard and gorge on as they please. And if anyone gets in the way of that, they must go or be dealt with (manipulated).
These kind of people cannot be reasoned with; for they do not care what you need, want, feel, or desire. It is all about them.