Post by beloved on Dec 28, 2006 19:34:28 GMT -5
Sometimes in our relationships with our sinful spouses we feel the benefits of staying outweighs the benefits of going. There are good reasons to stay and bad ones.
If your reasons are for the kids that would be a good one.
If you are staying because you don't think no one else will want you, that would be a bad reason.
If you are staying until you get a better job or education so you can get another job, that would be a good reason.
So, if you decide to stay, even though your spouse will not repent, then you need to be realistic and mature about it. This is what you would call a trade-off. There is a price for everything. Moping and hoping for years that your spouse will change without any effort on your part to make sure something changes is a waste of time. Wishing will change nothing. So, you may come to a place where you know your spouse isn't going to change, and you aren't going to press the issue because you've determined that there are more benefits to staying than there are to going. If you make this choice, be mature about it and quit acting like a victim. At this point you are no longer a victim, but a volunteer.
Constant protestations of victimization and unhappiness do not absolve you from personal responsibility for your choices. It is up to you to choose to stay or choose to go. It is up to you how long to stay or how soon to go. You know what your spouse is doing and if they won't change on their own, and you won't force a change or else, then you have volunteered to be where you are for some sort of trade off and you no longer have the right to complain and play victim. Complaining and whining long enough will not change things all by itself. You are wasting your tears and breath if you have no consequences to back it up; no boundaries put in place, no ultimatums. If you are as wishy washy about what you expect from your mate, they will just continue to be as wishy washy about their morals and values in the relationship. If you make no commitment to changing the relationship, neither will your spouse.
If your reasons are for the kids that would be a good one.
If you are staying because you don't think no one else will want you, that would be a bad reason.
If you are staying until you get a better job or education so you can get another job, that would be a good reason.
So, if you decide to stay, even though your spouse will not repent, then you need to be realistic and mature about it. This is what you would call a trade-off. There is a price for everything. Moping and hoping for years that your spouse will change without any effort on your part to make sure something changes is a waste of time. Wishing will change nothing. So, you may come to a place where you know your spouse isn't going to change, and you aren't going to press the issue because you've determined that there are more benefits to staying than there are to going. If you make this choice, be mature about it and quit acting like a victim. At this point you are no longer a victim, but a volunteer.
Constant protestations of victimization and unhappiness do not absolve you from personal responsibility for your choices. It is up to you to choose to stay or choose to go. It is up to you how long to stay or how soon to go. You know what your spouse is doing and if they won't change on their own, and you won't force a change or else, then you have volunteered to be where you are for some sort of trade off and you no longer have the right to complain and play victim. Complaining and whining long enough will not change things all by itself. You are wasting your tears and breath if you have no consequences to back it up; no boundaries put in place, no ultimatums. If you are as wishy washy about what you expect from your mate, they will just continue to be as wishy washy about their morals and values in the relationship. If you make no commitment to changing the relationship, neither will your spouse.